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| I got home early from work today and promptly fell asleep for five hours. I woke up feeling a little bit bummed because I only have these afternoons off every so often and it's my opportunity to catch up with my out-of-hospital life. Then I sat down to think about it and I realized I was putting way too much pressure on my free time. The problem is that I feel I have so little of it to begin with that I want to use it up to its full potential. I have so many things that I want/have to get done that it's hard to know where to start. Worse, sometimes after coming home its hard to leave work at work. I spend time processing the things I learned, how to get better, going over things I felt I should've done better or I didn't know. I even dreamt about my conversation with a patient today during my nap! Heh. Of course, I know it will all get better in time as I get to know my coworkers, the system, and become a better clinican. It's just that I'm inpatient for it to all start gelling now. Now! hehe.
It's almost been a month since starting internship. Two months since graduation. I havne't lived anywhere permanent since then for more then three weeks. Right after graduation, Cristian and I went to Kunming so I could introduce him to China, and so I could go visit relatives. I had a great time with my grandmother, seeing everyone, eating out nightly. I still crave the food there so much... wish I could cook as well as my aunts. We took a tour of northern Yunnan and ended up very very close to Tibet, close enough that the people were 80% Tibetan and we ate Yak meat and drank traditional Tibetan tea (very salty) and learned some Tibetan. It was really fascinating. A totally different culture. Afterwards three days in Beijing where I was unimpressed by the food options and we both contracted the flu, possibly swine flu, on the plane ride back to the US. A week of myalgias, fevers, and nausea later, I started commuting to SF from walnut creek, getting up at 430 everyday in order to make it in on time, and he started looking for an apartment for us. Lemme just say that I was shocked by how many people are on the 520 BART train going into the city in the mornings. I wasn't the only crazy person apparently. Luckily now I'm typing this from a tiny tiny apartment in the city, it's close enough to a bus station for me to bus to work in 10 mins. Did you know it costs almost 150 bucks to have a parking space in SF?!!
So far SF has been cold. Very cold. I wear a coat to work in the mornings. Are you reading this you people in Ohio who are dealing with sweltering heat and humidty? Sometimes I get really nostalgic for the heat. I hate cold. However, I've been told that Sept, Oct will be beautiful and I'm looking forward to that.
I'll leave my thoughts about my new program and its people for anther post. Suffice it to say that I'm happy and that I don't have to do any discharge summaries!! hehe.
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| Update numero uno since my last post many many moons ago is that I have matched (gotten a job) as a resident in internal medicine at California Pacific Medical Center in SF, and I will start this June. The way it happened, Cristian and I were in our hotel room in Chicago because we'd gone to take a little vacation and I logged into my email to find out where I was going to end up being for the next three years. I'd been waiting for this moment for about a month and half and really, I'd been pretty calm about it. I told myself that where I ended up would be great. Yet when the moment came to click open the email and find out, I couldn't. I was literally frozen with fear. So Cristian clicked and read and just said "Oh, Okay." and turned around and told me to look myself and I didn't want to look, but he knew! He knew, and only said okay, which could've meant anything. I was going to kill him. Part of me was so surprised at this upwelling of emotion that I started laughing and then tears starting rolling down my face. Tears AND laughter? This was getting to be too much for me, so I sucked it up and glanced at the screen and was immediately overcome with a relief. I think most people are supposed to feel joy and happiness, all I could think was wow, they actually wanted me. What a relief.
I don't know where the fear came from, I guess committing yourself to three more years of long hours, fustration, pain, rare moments of awe, inadequacy. Partly I think it was because I was on my ICU month and I'd been really really sleep deprived because I was post call and I didn't want to make it three more years of it a reality.
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| mymomisafob.com
I didn't know about this until last month. It's hilarious. At least, it is to me. I do have a weird sense of humor. I don't know if non-asian kids would get it. It's funny to me because it reminds of my own parents and their friends but I wonder how I would react if I hadn't grown up with it. I think I might ask a couple of my more whitebread friends to take a gander and see their reactions.
New Years day was spent at the VA admitting patients who all by and large were intoxicated and suffering from complications of ethanol abuse from falling down and cracking head open, to puking blood etc etc. One patient said to me " I spent last night drinking, smoking, and doing cocaine. but isn't that what everyone does on New Years's eve?" Heh. Also, apparently crack cocaine isn't at all that expensive these days, or perhaps my patient was bartering with his prescribed oxycodone. Sometimes I'm sorely tempted to obtain myself a prescription and make some easy money. I have student loans to pay off dangit!
The borders in Cincinnati was closed down today and now I will have to resort to going to the evil B&N to satisfy my booklust. B&N and I used to have a steady relationship, I would go sit in its starbucks and pretend to study and it would provide me hours of distraction all the while sucking my soul with it's overpriced caffeinated beverages and poor selection of good books. That was all until I found a borders that took twice as long to get to but was worth it because it allowed to sit on the floor and cackle loudly like a witch when reading david sedaris. And, I could paw over the better selection of science and fiction books anytime I wanted. woe is me, I am bereft.
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| So I think I might have to go shopping for an honest to goodness suit for the upcoming residency interview blitzkreig (so far 7 interviews in 2 weeks! My cheek muscles are going to be so sore from smiling at people).
I detest the average suit. Whenever I see groups of applicants walking around my school in their identical black/grey/navy blue, it makes me think of schools of fish. So what can I do to look a like I've got a personality?
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| I almost want to get extra and store it....
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